A couple of months back, I made a list of the Top 10 Unintentionally Funny Entrances in Wrestling Video Games, and I felt as though we didn’t get enough virtual involuntary hilarity, so I went searching through video games across several generations to bring you this – the Top 10 Unintentionally Funny Cutscenes in Wrestling Video Games.
10. All of Them – Hulk Hogan’s Main Event
The only thing almost as laughable as Hulk Hogan’s recent attempts at apologies are the cutscenes from his Xbox 360-exclusive Kinect video game. Just look at those graphics. Those are 2010 graphics you’re seeing. The fact this game begins in someone’s backyard is definitely an appropriate sign of things to come.
9. Alex Wright – WCW Thunder
“HEY MAN! It’s me, Alex Wright, the German!”
Any WCW video game not made by AKI was terrible. WCW Nitro and Thunder were no exception – their only redeeming qualities were that every member of the main roster (not including all of the extremely weird unlockables, which you can read about here) cuts a promo aimed at the player, begging them to pick, and in some cases not pick, them to play the game with.
Of all these wonderful examples of fine PS1 FMV, Alex Wright from WCW Thunder has got be my favourite. Whether it’s his over-enthusiasm or the little spin that begins these ten seconds of excellence (it’s definitely the spin), there’s just something about this that never fails to put a smile on my face.
8. The Most Unique Character Customisation Screen Ever – TNA Impact
TNA Impact will always remain in my memory for having the single greatest yet craziest set-up to a character customisation screen of all time.
The story mode begins by explaining that you are the top star in the company called Suicide, that is until you’re brutally attacked by LAX. You awake in a Mexican hospital completely covered in bandages to discover that you were disfigured so badly in the attack, that you are no longer recognisable, and require severe plastic surgery – this is when you create your character. Yes, this wrestling game begins with an attack so brutal it requires complete reconstruction, and surgeons so talented they can completely alter your entire body, including height and muscle mass.
Gotta give TNA some credit for creativity on this one, but the sight of waking up covered from head to toe in bandages whilst laid under Jesus Christ on a crucifix, that is always hilarious.
7. Vince Isn’t Happy – WrestleMania XIX
WrestleMania XIX is the most unexpectedly weird wrestling game ever made, purely because of its main story mode.
Revenge Mode begins with your chosen or created superstar being fired by Big Bad Vinny Mac. With the help of Stephanie McMahon, you exact your revenge on the chairman by travelling to various locations in order to halt the preparation and construction of McMahon’s flagship show, WrestleMania.
Rather than traditional matches, you complete objectives in a variety of locations with the intent of destroying WWE property, which includes blowing up a skyscraper, crashing a barge, wrecking cars and buildings with just your bare fists, all without a wrestling ring in sight.
Whenever you totally demolish one area of Vince’s property, you’re treated to a wonderful FMV sequence of a badly rendered Vince McMahon watching his empire crumble around him. Because you literally beat a few people up and dented some cars, you cause entire buildings to collapse. You won’t believe what you’re seeing in this unassuming WrestleMania game, but at least you’ll be laughing along the way.
6. The Enforcer – WWE 2K16
We all remember the time Mike Tyson involved himself in the main event of WrestleMania. It was a pivotal moment during The Attitude Era which attracted masses of mainstream attention and pay-per-view buys for the WWE. And everyone who played WWE 2K16 remembers this laughable cutscene.
The game in question featured a Showcase Mode that allowed you to play through the legendary career of Stone Cold Steve Austin. When that WrestleMania match rolled around, fans were not treated to the famous face of WWE Hall of Famer Mike Tyson, they were treated with the realisation that 2K were not able to get the rights for Iron Mike’s likeness.
Instead of Austin being handed the WWF Championship by the baddest man on the planet, the belt was presented by a character simply known as ‘The Enforcer’, that as you can see, looks absolutely nothing like the man he replaced. I understand that there was nothing 2K could do about Tyson not lending his likeness to the game, yet you still can’t help but laugh at the one and only appearance of this enforcer.
5. British Bulldog – WWF War Zone
WWF War Zone is known for two things – having an absolutely appauling game engine with awful controls, and having some of the most wonderfully bad promos in history included in the game.
Acclaim decided that since every single Playstation One game was required to include horrendous full motion video, they had every roster member cut a promo aimed at the player for use in the main game mode, and it gifted us with some of the best worst speeches of all time.
Take The British Bulldog here for example: from the poor echoing sound quality, to the fact he is just staring off into empty space for the majority of it, everything about this is wonderfully awful.
4. Faarooq – WWF War Zone
Continuing on with the WWF War Zone promos, Faarooq gifted us with this absolute gem. He couldn’t have made it more obvious that he was reading directly from a script if he tried. Ron Simmons did not make a single attempt to once look at the camera or put any emotion into his words. This is what a first read-through of a promo looks like, a test shot of game footage, but Acclaim thought, “Well, the game is terrible anyway, let’s just throw it in anyway.” The fact this actually got used is equally hilarious as it is unbelievable.
3. A Million Dollar Spear – WrestleMania XIX
Once you defeat Vince McMahon in the aforementioned Revenge Mode from WrestleMania XIX, Stephanie McMahon, the one that sent you on this destructive mission, walks down to the ring holding a briefcase full of money, presents it to you, only to then take it away.
But suddenly, for no reason at all, regardless of whoever you chose to play this game with, Goldberg, a man that has played absolutely no part throughout the entire story, appears out of nowhere and spears Stephanie out of her shoes. The mode then unexpectedly ends with a cloud of dollar bills floating in the air after this random act of violence, and that’s it. I guess it’s always good to leave them laughing.
2. Teddy Long Gets Hit By a Car – Smackdown Vs. Raw 2006
It’s Teddy Long getting hit by a car. Just watch, enjoy, and laugh your ass off. You’re welcome.
- Ahmed Johnson – WWF War Zone
Here it is. The king of bad wrestling video game video content. Ahmed Johnson’s WWF War Zone promos have become the stuff of legend when it comes to inaudible wrestling promos. If you can make out even 10% of what comes out of Ahmed’s mouth, you are a genius. Watch, enjoy, and watch all over again. For these promos alone, WWF War Zone has got to be considered one of the most important ever contributions to wrestling video games.
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